Let’s Talk About Sex


When I was about to start writing MS Monday, and first asked people what they wanted to hear about, sexual dysfunction and sexual problems was at the top of the list. This seemed to be a topic that was extremely prevalent, but something that not many people discussed (I sense a trend here). This was also one of the main reasons why I wanted to start writing MS Monday. To start talking about all of these things that we all experience, but seem a little hesitant to bring into every day conversation. I’ve already covered peeing yourself in public, so let’s move on!

Sexual problems are extremely common in the MS population for several reasons. The overall burden of having the disease can put a strain on relationships, which can impact communication, sexual desire and/or intimacy. MS can also directly impact the ability of your body to function correctly in terms of sexual responses, arousal or orgasm. Physical and emotional changes can also have an impact, such as fatigue, specificity, or self esteem and mood changes.

Living with MS or having a partner that has MS can be very difficult at times. There’s a lot of stress and uncertainty that surrounds this disease, and even couples that are seasoned at handling stressful times can find themselves impacted at one time or another. If a couple is lacking positive communication in general, this can easily lead to a breakdown in intimacy as well. For this disease (and any other issue really) Communication is key. The ability to be open with your partner is huge when trying to manage MS and all of the symptoms that go along with it.

From a biological standpoint, MS can mess things up for both men and women due to The fact that sexual arousal, response and orgasm needs a clear pathway from the brain through the spinal cord, which often isn’t present as disease progresses. In men, erectile dysfunction and issues with ejaculation and reaching orgasm can be present.  In women, reduced sensations in vaginal/clitoral areas, increased pain, issues with vaginal lubrication and difficulty reaching orgasm can be present.

Other physical side effects can also have a impact on sexual function. Fatigue, spasticity, mood changes, bladder or bowel control, etc. all of these other symptoms can have a an effect on sexual comfort or performance. This is another example of one communication with your partner is key. Being able to say that “yes, you would like to be intimate with them but this other symptom is standing in the way”, is so important. it is important for you to be able to advocate for yourself so you get your needs met, but is also important for your partner to hear that MS is standing in the way, not that they have done something wrong.

The treatment for sexual problems can vary. I’ve already discussed communication several times, but it definitely bears repeating. Communication with your partner is possibly the number one thing you can do to change your outlook towards sex. MS can make sex an extremely frustrating experience, but with communication, you both can tackle the issue together, instead of having it create an issue between you both.

For men, there are treatments for erectile dysfunction available, the same medications that are available for men without MS. Unfortunately there are no medications available to help with ejaculation. The process of ejaculation and orgasm are much more complicated of a process, and need intact communication between the brain and spinal cord for those processes to occur.

For women, making time for extra foreplay at the beginning of sex is incredibly useful. This can be helpful for increasing your own vaginal lubricant and also helping you get closer to orgasm from the beginning. When your own body falls a bit short, using lubricant during sex is important, as not being adequately lubricated can lead to increased pain. It is possible to still reach orgasm, but it just might take a little, lot longer than it did previously. Finding new ways to be stimulated and aroused can be very helpful in the orgasm endeavor.

One of the best things to try as a couple are exploring each other in a non-sexual way, laying with each other or massage. Being able to be physically close with your partner in a non sexual way is important, to both the health of the relationship and the sexual health of the relationship. Realizing that intimacy isn’t just about sex, but it is about being close and comfortable, was a game changer.

Being able to say, “let’s try again next time” is also important. I’ve had many situations where no matter what I tried, nothing was happening, and I just needed to be able to say, not today. Neither I, nor my husband did anything wrong, it just wasn’t in the cards for me in that day, which isn’t my fault. That is the biggest take away I hope that anyone can glean, that this isn’t your fault.

One of the aspects of sex that isn’t discussed often is the feeling of guilt that can accompany the MSer. Guilt about not “giving” enough sex, or leaving your partner high and dry. Guilt about not feeling up to it yet again, or guilt about having it hurt and having to stop. I know that I have felt these things, and more than likely, I’m probably not alone. Guilt can be a tough emotion, especially in the context of sex. It can really muddy the waters, and bring uncomfortable and yucky emotions into play. I’ve done a lot of work within myself and with my husband around these feelings. The number one thing that helped me was talking to my husband about them, and how I felt. Only when I, and him, were honest about our feelings, were we able to fully understand the impact of my guilt on our relationship.

Again, I tell you, it’s not your fault.

 

As always, if you want to join the LissMS community, come on over! click here!

I’M ALISSA!

I help women who have also been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis make specific and personalized diet, lifestyle & subconscious changes so that they can begin to heal their body, reduce disease symptoms, and return to a life they love.hey there,

follow along on Instagram:

This is what came through during my meditation this morning.

I’ve been feeling so BEHIND lately..
That I’m not doing enough..
That progress isn’t happening fast enough..

But that’s a lie.
I’m right where I should be.

I needed this message today… maybe you do too?

This is what came through during my meditation this morning.

I’ve been feeling so BEHIND lately..
That I’m not doing enough..
That progress isn’t happening fast enough..

But that’s a lie.
I’m right where I should be.

I needed this message today… maybe you do too?
...

14 4
This is how I slowly helped myself the most:
Making small changes to my life,
* Intentional awareness to my morning
* Noticing when I’m being mean to myself 
* Noticing when I’m reactive or in a state of fight or flight..

Some “small” ideas for you too:
* don’t grab your phone first thing in the morning, take some deep breaths, think about how you want your day to go
* drink an extra glass of water (bonus if it’s in the morning too)
* get up and move every hour
* say something nice to yourself when you catch yourself being mean
* step outside for a few minutes a few times a day

Small changes add up to big steps forward,
don’t get fooled by these not being “enough”,
they absolutely are. 

Wanna hear more about how Ive helped myself and my clients to lessen our MS symptoms so we feel better in our bodies?

I detail it in my chapter in Resilience Redefined.. comment “Book” and I’ll send you the link!!

This is how I slowly helped myself the most:
Making small changes to my life,
* Intentional awareness to my morning
* Noticing when I’m being mean to myself
* Noticing when I’m reactive or in a state of fight or flight..

Some “small” ideas for you too:
* don’t grab your phone first thing in the morning, take some deep breaths, think about how you want your day to go
* drink an extra glass of water (bonus if it’s in the morning too)
* get up and move every hour
* say something nice to yourself when you catch yourself being mean
* step outside for a few minutes a few times a day

Small changes add up to big steps forward,
don’t get fooled by these not being “enough”,
they absolutely are.

Wanna hear more about how Ive helped myself and my clients to lessen our MS symptoms so we feel better in our bodies?

I detail it in my chapter in Resilience Redefined.. comment “Book” and I’ll send you the link!!
...

21 5
You don’t always have to love the hard action you’re taking to reach your goals.

You just have to show up.

You can do this… keep going 🧡🧡

*after discerning there’s no *actual* issue (pain, injury, illness etc) preventing me from working out, only that I’m a toddler and don’t wanna.

You don’t always have to love the hard action you’re taking to reach your goals.

You just have to show up.

You can do this… keep going 🧡🧡

*after discerning there’s no *actual* issue (pain, injury, illness etc) preventing me from working out, only that I’m a toddler and don’t wanna.
...

27 4
“Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.”

Resilience has become such a cornerstone word of the work I do this past year. 
It makes sense this book I collaborated on with 6 other awesome & resilient authors was destined to have resilience in the title.

Did you see??

Pre Orders are open!

If you pre order your copy through me before October 24th you’ll also get:
• Signed copy of Resilience Redefined
• The MS Handbook E-book
• Resilience Bookmark
• LissMS Sticker Pack (first 10 pre orders)

Grab your copy here: 

https://liss-ms.com/product/resilience-redefined-thriving-with-autoimmune-disease/

Or comment Book below and I’ll send you the link!!

“Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.”

Resilience has become such a cornerstone word of the work I do this past year.
It makes sense this book I collaborated on with 6 other awesome & resilient authors was destined to have resilience in the title.

Did you see??

Pre Orders are open!

If you pre order your copy through me before October 24th you’ll also get:
• Signed copy of Resilience Redefined
• The MS Handbook E-book
• Resilience Bookmark
• LissMS Sticker Pack (first 10 pre orders)

Grab your copy here:

https://liss-ms.com/product/resilience-redefined-thriving-with-autoimmune-disease/

Or comment Book below and I’ll send you the link!!
...

14 0
Struggling to start with exercise?

Try this tip!!

Creating a new habit (any of them) necessitate us to become someone new, someone different than we were.

Because we’re trying to do something different after all.

This is gentle way of starting that identity shift process.

Become who you want to be in your mind first.

Does this help?
What other habits do you need help with? Let me know in the comments!!

Struggling to start with exercise?

Try this tip!!

Creating a new habit (any of them) necessitate us to become someone new, someone different than we were.

Because we’re trying to do something different after all.

This is gentle way of starting that identity shift process.

Become who you want to be in your mind first.

Does this help?
What other habits do you need help with? Let me know in the comments!!
...

31 3
It’s only fitting that I announce my 2nd book (along with 7 other authors) on my 14 year anniversary with MS.

This is a book that I would have loved to read early on in my journey.
It’s about how we moved through our diagnosis and came out the other side for the better.

““Resilience Redefined” is not just a collection of stories; it is a call to action. The authors challenge those living with an autoimmune disease to not only survive but to thrive”

So… drumroll please…
Pre orders are officially open!!

If you pre order your copy through me before October 24th you’ll also get:
• Signed copy of Resilience Redefined
• The MS Handbook E-book
• Resilience Bookmark
• LissMS Sticker Pack (first 10 pre orders)

Grab your copy here: https://liss-ms.com/product/resilience-redefined-thriving-with-autoimmune-disease/ 

Or comment “book” below and I’ll send you the link!!

It’s only fitting that I announce my 2nd book (along with 7 other authors) on my 14 year anniversary with MS.

This is a book that I would have loved to read early on in my journey.
It’s about how we moved through our diagnosis and came out the other side for the better.

““Resilience Redefined” is not just a collection of stories; it is a call to action. The authors challenge those living with an autoimmune disease to not only survive but to thrive”

So… drumroll please…
Pre orders are officially open!!

If you pre order your copy through me before October 24th you’ll also get:
• Signed copy of Resilience Redefined
• The MS Handbook E-book
• Resilience Bookmark
• LissMS Sticker Pack (first 10 pre orders)

Grab your copy here: https://liss-ms.com/product/resilience-redefined-thriving-with-autoimmune-disease/

Or comment “book” below and I’ll send you the link!!
...

33 15
If you like being outside, check out the America the Beautiful Access Pass!

This is a pass for those with disabilities to get into National Parks, Monuments and more for FREE!!

You can get it online or at the entrance of a national park!

Share with anyone who also might like this!!

If you like being outside, check out the America the Beautiful Access Pass!

This is a pass for those with disabilities to get into National Parks, Monuments and more for FREE!!

You can get it online or at the entrance of a national park!

Share with anyone who also might like this!!
...

32 2
This is obvs one option of many on how to help yourself through these moments.

But when you’re stuck in negative worrying, don’t forget there can be a positive outcome too!

This is rewiring your brain in action.

You notice you’re doing something you always did,
Then do something different.

And boom! A new pathway is born.

It needs some love and attention to grow,
so keep practicing!

This is obvs one option of many on how to help yourself through these moments.

But when you’re stuck in negative worrying, don’t forget there can be a positive outcome too!

This is rewiring your brain in action.

You notice you’re doing something you always did,
Then do something different.

And boom! A new pathway is born.

It needs some love and attention to grow,
so keep practicing!
...

22 0
This isn’t a you problem, it’s your brain acting as it should.

Are you going through some change and upheaval right now too?

I see you.

Comment any questions on how to deal below and I’ll make a part 2!

This isn’t a you problem, it’s your brain acting as it should.

Are you going through some change and upheaval right now too?

I see you.

Comment any questions on how to deal below and I’ll make a part 2!
...

38 2
We have a new space for my (free) LissMS Healing Community!!

Come on in…

Let me show you around!

This is a space created by an MSer (me), for other MSers (you) to be able to come together and support each other, learn new tools to help manage MS and maybe find a few new internet friends!

Wanna join us?

Comment “community” below and I’ll send you the link!!

We have a new space for my (free) LissMS Healing Community!!

Come on in…

Let me show you around!

This is a space created by an MSer (me), for other MSers (you) to be able to come together and support each other, learn new tools to help manage MS and maybe find a few new internet friends!

Wanna join us?

Comment “community” below and I’ll send you the link!!
...

16 1
There’s so much buzz about everything needing to feel good if it’s right for you.

Sure, there’s a time and a place for alignment.

But, growth often happens in the uncomfortable moments.

Just a reminder.
Keep going.
❤️

There’s so much buzz about everything needing to feel good if it’s right for you.

Sure, there’s a time and a place for alignment.

But, growth often happens in the uncomfortable moments.

Just a reminder.
Keep going.
❤️
...

32 9

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