Let’s Talk About Sex


When I was about to start writing MS Monday, and first asked people what they wanted to hear about, sexual dysfunction and sexual problems was at the top of the list. This seemed to be a topic that was extremely prevalent, but something that not many people discussed (I sense a trend here). This was also one of the main reasons why I wanted to start writing MS Monday. To start talking about all of these things that we all experience, but seem a little hesitant to bring into every day conversation. I’ve already covered peeing yourself in public, so let’s move on!

Sexual problems are extremely common in the MS population for several reasons. The overall burden of having the disease can put a strain on relationships, which can impact communication, sexual desire and/or intimacy. MS can also directly impact the ability of your body to function correctly in terms of sexual responses, arousal or orgasm. Physical and emotional changes can also have an impact, such as fatigue, specificity, or self esteem and mood changes.

Living with MS or having a partner that has MS can be very difficult at times. There’s a lot of stress and uncertainty that surrounds this disease, and even couples that are seasoned at handling stressful times can find themselves impacted at one time or another. If a couple is lacking positive communication in general, this can easily lead to a breakdown in intimacy as well. For this disease (and any other issue really) Communication is key. The ability to be open with your partner is huge when trying to manage MS and all of the symptoms that go along with it.

From a biological standpoint, MS can mess things up for both men and women due to The fact that sexual arousal, response and orgasm needs a clear pathway from the brain through the spinal cord, which often isn’t present as disease progresses. In men, erectile dysfunction and issues with ejaculation and reaching orgasm can be present.  In women, reduced sensations in vaginal/clitoral areas, increased pain, issues with vaginal lubrication and difficulty reaching orgasm can be present.

Other physical side effects can also have a impact on sexual function. Fatigue, spasticity, mood changes, bladder or bowel control, etc. all of these other symptoms can have a an effect on sexual comfort or performance. This is another example of one communication with your partner is key. Being able to say that “yes, you would like to be intimate with them but this other symptom is standing in the way”, is so important. it is important for you to be able to advocate for yourself so you get your needs met, but is also important for your partner to hear that MS is standing in the way, not that they have done something wrong.

The treatment for sexual problems can vary. I’ve already discussed communication several times, but it definitely bears repeating. Communication with your partner is possibly the number one thing you can do to change your outlook towards sex. MS can make sex an extremely frustrating experience, but with communication, you both can tackle the issue together, instead of having it create an issue between you both.

For men, there are treatments for erectile dysfunction available, the same medications that are available for men without MS. Unfortunately there are no medications available to help with ejaculation. The process of ejaculation and orgasm are much more complicated of a process, and need intact communication between the brain and spinal cord for those processes to occur.

For women, making time for extra foreplay at the beginning of sex is incredibly useful. This can be helpful for increasing your own vaginal lubricant and also helping you get closer to orgasm from the beginning. When your own body falls a bit short, using lubricant during sex is important, as not being adequately lubricated can lead to increased pain. It is possible to still reach orgasm, but it just might take a little, lot longer than it did previously. Finding new ways to be stimulated and aroused can be very helpful in the orgasm endeavor.

One of the best things to try as a couple are exploring each other in a non-sexual way, laying with each other or massage. Being able to be physically close with your partner in a non sexual way is important, to both the health of the relationship and the sexual health of the relationship. Realizing that intimacy isn’t just about sex, but it is about being close and comfortable, was a game changer.

Being able to say, “let’s try again next time” is also important. I’ve had many situations where no matter what I tried, nothing was happening, and I just needed to be able to say, not today. Neither I, nor my husband did anything wrong, it just wasn’t in the cards for me in that day, which isn’t my fault. That is the biggest take away I hope that anyone can glean, that this isn’t your fault.

One of the aspects of sex that isn’t discussed often is the feeling of guilt that can accompany the MSer. Guilt about not “giving” enough sex, or leaving your partner high and dry. Guilt about not feeling up to it yet again, or guilt about having it hurt and having to stop. I know that I have felt these things, and more than likely, I’m probably not alone. Guilt can be a tough emotion, especially in the context of sex. It can really muddy the waters, and bring uncomfortable and yucky emotions into play. I’ve done a lot of work within myself and with my husband around these feelings. The number one thing that helped me was talking to my husband about them, and how I felt. Only when I, and him, were honest about our feelings, were we able to fully understand the impact of my guilt on our relationship.

Again, I tell you, it’s not your fault.

 

As always, if you want to join the LissMS community, come on over! click here!

I’M ALISSA!

I help women who have also been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis make specific and personalized diet, lifestyle & subconscious changes so that they can begin to heal their body, reduce disease symptoms, and return to a life they love.hey there,

follow along on Instagram:

I think 90% of my clients have talked about already feeling the shift to Fall and Winter hardddd.

They are worried about seasonal depression coming back with a vengeance, feeling sad summer is gone and so many other things.

I know when so many feel the same way, you might too.
I know I feel this way too.

I’m working with them to put habits in place NOW that will support them through the winter months.

Here are 2 small shifts we talked about this week:

1. Get sunlight into your eyeballs as soon as you can in the morning.☀️☀️

Ideally this is outside, there will be many science bro’s out there telling you that anything else “doesn’t count” but I say that’s BS.
Yes, the sunlight will have a greater impact if you’re viewing outside, but even if you’re behind a window it will do something.

2. Move your body!! 💃🏃‍♀️

The change in seasons to colder weather makes it super easy to hibernate and move wayyy less than we were in the summer.
I know I’ve been guilty of that this week and it’s showing in my sleep.
But moving our bodies can be so helpful for regulating so many things in our bodies.
Ideally you’re moving in the morning, but again- any time of day will do. 

These are 2 small shifts that can make it easier for your body to transition to, and live with the Winter months.

Let’s crowdsource… what else helps you in winter?? 
I know there are many other things that can!!

I think 90% of my clients have talked about already feeling the shift to Fall and Winter hardddd.

They are worried about seasonal depression coming back with a vengeance, feeling sad summer is gone and so many other things.

I know when so many feel the same way, you might too.
I know I feel this way too.

I’m working with them to put habits in place NOW that will support them through the winter months.

Here are 2 small shifts we talked about this week:

1. Get sunlight into your eyeballs as soon as you can in the morning.☀️☀️

Ideally this is outside, there will be many science bro’s out there telling you that anything else “doesn’t count” but I say that’s BS.
Yes, the sunlight will have a greater impact if you’re viewing outside, but even if you’re behind a window it will do something.

2. Move your body!! 💃🏃‍♀️

The change in seasons to colder weather makes it super easy to hibernate and move wayyy less than we were in the summer.
I know I’ve been guilty of that this week and it’s showing in my sleep.
But moving our bodies can be so helpful for regulating so many things in our bodies.
Ideally you’re moving in the morning, but again- any time of day will do.

These are 2 small shifts that can make it easier for your body to transition to, and live with the Winter months.

Let’s crowdsource… what else helps you in winter??
I know there are many other things that can!!
...

8 4
All the tools that are inside Holistically Healing MS I’ve used myself to decrease my MS symptoms and significantly feel better in my body.

Over the next 8 weeks, let me be your guide on how to make this a reality for yourself.

We start tomorrow at 5:30pm eastern, you coming?

All the tools that are inside Holistically Healing MS I’ve used myself to decrease my MS symptoms and significantly feel better in my body.

Over the next 8 weeks, let me be your guide on how to make this a reality for yourself.

We start tomorrow at 5:30pm eastern, you coming?
...

9 3
I think I’ve said this in every group I’ve run and with every client I meet with.

(A gross oversimplification disclaimer)
But this: 
people pleasing, being all or nothing, perfectionist (I could go on) 

Is (part of) why we got MS.

These patterns we play out each day are the hardest thing to change- and they also keep us with high stress, high MS symptoms and feeling like crap in our bodies.

Changing these patterns takes awareness, focus and support- all of which you get in Holistically Healing MS.

•If you want the ability to say NO when you’d usually just say yes.. (stop overriding yourself)
•If you want to be ok with putting your needs first (cause I know you’re not lol)
•If you want to finally feel like you’re good enough and doing enough (cause you are)

Join us in HHMS. Along with lifestyle strategies, we go process the emotional burden all those patterns have- which helps to move through them.

Comment HHMS below and I’ll send you the link.

I think I’ve said this in every group I’ve run and with every client I meet with.

(A gross oversimplification disclaimer)
But this:
people pleasing, being all or nothing, perfectionist (I could go on)

Is (part of) why we got MS.

These patterns we play out each day are the hardest thing to change- and they also keep us with high stress, high MS symptoms and feeling like crap in our bodies.

Changing these patterns takes awareness, focus and support- all of which you get in Holistically Healing MS.

•If you want the ability to say NO when you’d usually just say yes.. (stop overriding yourself)
•If you want to be ok with putting your needs first (cause I know you’re not lol)
•If you want to finally feel like you’re good enough and doing enough (cause you are)

Join us in HHMS. Along with lifestyle strategies, we go process the emotional burden all those patterns have- which helps to move through them.

Comment HHMS below and I’ll send you the link.
...

28 10
At some point you have to start trusting the things you’re doing will help and stop jumping to a new thing each week.

Giving up gluten one week?
Then dairy the next?
Maybe jumping into an exercise class a week later?

At some point you gotta pick 1-3 things and stick with them long enough to give them time to make changes in your body!!

Not just a day or week either.

Yes change can happen fast, but usually not that fast. You need to stick with things for long enough to see if they’ll help.

Often you give up before it has a chance to shift anything.

If you’ve been bouncing from thing to thing, throwing random things at the wall and hoping they stick, hoping something will move the needle an inch so you feel even a little bit better.. 

My course Holistically Healing MS is for you.

This is the place to find what works for you, to decrease your MS symptoms.

Comment HHMS below and I’ll send you details.

At some point you have to start trusting the things you’re doing will help and stop jumping to a new thing each week.

Giving up gluten one week?
Then dairy the next?
Maybe jumping into an exercise class a week later?

At some point you gotta pick 1-3 things and stick with them long enough to give them time to make changes in your body!!

Not just a day or week either.

Yes change can happen fast, but usually not that fast. You need to stick with things for long enough to see if they’ll help.

Often you give up before it has a chance to shift anything.

If you’ve been bouncing from thing to thing, throwing random things at the wall and hoping they stick, hoping something will move the needle an inch so you feel even a little bit better..

My course Holistically Healing MS is for you.

This is the place to find what works for you, to decrease your MS symptoms.

Comment HHMS below and I’ll send you details.
...

6 2
At one point I wanted:

•To be able to comfortably go on a walk again with my boyfriend (now husband)

•To not feel like an anxious mess every time I thought about the future (and potential disability)

• To not have waves of pain coursing throughout my body 

I don’t want those things anymore,
because I have them all.

No, I’m not totally cured of feeling anxious about the future, and I still have days (like today tbh) where I feel like a load of 💩

The difference is: 
I can manage all the symptoms
and anxiety
and feeling like 💩
better and differently than I did before, using all the tools I have accumulated over the 15(!!) years I’ve lived with MS as a patient and practitioner.

And these are the tools I share with my clients.

And the tools I share with you inside my Holistically Healing MS course.

This course is an 8 week journey into supporting your MS body so that it can begin to heal.

I know you have the same dreams as I did, 
I know because you’ve told me we’ve talked about them 🤩

I want you to have those things too.

Holistically Healing MS waitlist is closing tomorrow, comment HEALING and I’ll add you to the list.

At one point I wanted:

•To be able to comfortably go on a walk again with my boyfriend (now husband)

•To not feel like an anxious mess every time I thought about the future (and potential disability)

• To not have waves of pain coursing throughout my body

I don’t want those things anymore,
because I have them all.

No, I’m not totally cured of feeling anxious about the future, and I still have days (like today tbh) where I feel like a load of 💩

The difference is:
I can manage all the symptoms
and anxiety
and feeling like 💩
better and differently than I did before, using all the tools I have accumulated over the 15(!!) years I’ve lived with MS as a patient and practitioner.

And these are the tools I share with my clients.

And the tools I share with you inside my Holistically Healing MS course.

This course is an 8 week journey into supporting your MS body so that it can begin to heal.

I know you have the same dreams as I did,
I know because you’ve told me we’ve talked about them 🤩

I want you to have those things too.

Holistically Healing MS waitlist is closing tomorrow, comment HEALING and I’ll add you to the list.
...

14 6
I was talking to a client this week and she talked about how mad she was that she has a chronic illness.

How frustrated she was that she has to “manage this dumb disease” and “has to pay attention to everything she does”.

She also went onto say that she really wants to do all the helpful things, but just can’t get out of these stuck and frustrated feelings.

I get it- I definitely remember feeling similar feelings years ago. And I’m sure you’ve been here as well and might still be there at times.

I wanted to share the reframe that really helped her:

I told her, instead of focusing on “managing your disease”,
what if you thought about how you can set your future self up for feeling better/success/health.

Take the disease totally out of it.
What is 1 thing you can do to help your future self today?

She paused for a moment and I could almost see the light bulb go off in real time (one of my fav moments lol).

She said: that feels so much better and more doable.

If you’ve also been struggling with frustrated feelings about “managing your disease” these are the types of conversations we’ll have in Holistically Healing MS.

Yes I’ll be sharing about diet strategies, movement to help symptoms and stress management techniques, but we’ll also dive deeper into your feelings about it all.

Over the many years I’ve been working with clients, I’ve discovered that these thoughts, feelings and beliefs you have about yourself and your health are the biggest thing to stand in your way.

And when you have support to work through these feelings, you’re able to feel so much better faster.

Only those on the HHMS waitlist will get the presale price, and the opportunity to join the waitlist is dwindling (waitlist gets access next weekend!).

Comment WAITLIST below and I’ll add you to the list!!

I was talking to a client this week and she talked about how mad she was that she has a chronic illness.

How frustrated she was that she has to “manage this dumb disease” and “has to pay attention to everything she does”.

She also went onto say that she really wants to do all the helpful things, but just can’t get out of these stuck and frustrated feelings.

I get it- I definitely remember feeling similar feelings years ago. And I’m sure you’ve been here as well and might still be there at times.

I wanted to share the reframe that really helped her:

I told her, instead of focusing on “managing your disease”,
what if you thought about how you can set your future self up for feeling better/success/health.

Take the disease totally out of it.
What is 1 thing you can do to help your future self today?

She paused for a moment and I could almost see the light bulb go off in real time (one of my fav moments lol).

She said: that feels so much better and more doable.

If you’ve also been struggling with frustrated feelings about “managing your disease” these are the types of conversations we’ll have in Holistically Healing MS.

Yes I’ll be sharing about diet strategies, movement to help symptoms and stress management techniques, but we’ll also dive deeper into your feelings about it all.

Over the many years I’ve been working with clients, I’ve discovered that these thoughts, feelings and beliefs you have about yourself and your health are the biggest thing to stand in your way.

And when you have support to work through these feelings, you’re able to feel so much better faster.

Only those on the HHMS waitlist will get the presale price, and the opportunity to join the waitlist is dwindling (waitlist gets access next weekend!).

Comment WAITLIST below and I’ll add you to the list!!
...

11 2
My reality has changed a whole bunch over the years.

I started out with only a few symptoms. But I could get through the day.

Until all of a sudden I couldn’t.

All within a few years I went from “fine” to:
Having horrible symptoms, had 3 relapses and found myself with “aggressive MS”

This was not ok with me.

Eventually, I took my life into my own hands and rethought how I did most things.
I realized I had to make some changes, or else idk what else was gonna happen to me.

So I did.

I changed my diet.
I changed how I worked out.
I changed my job in the name of stress management.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

If you want this transformation for you too (I know it’s possible) I’m launching my signature course: Holistically Healing MS in a few weeks. 

This is the course you need to get started on this path for yourself.

Only the waitlist is gonna get the pre sale price… 
Comment WAITLIST below and I’ll add you to it!!

My reality has changed a whole bunch over the years.

I started out with only a few symptoms. But I could get through the day.

Until all of a sudden I couldn’t.

All within a few years I went from “fine” to:
Having horrible symptoms, had 3 relapses and found myself with “aggressive MS”

This was not ok with me.

Eventually, I took my life into my own hands and rethought how I did most things.
I realized I had to make some changes, or else idk what else was gonna happen to me.

So I did.

I changed my diet.
I changed how I worked out.
I changed my job in the name of stress management.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

If you want this transformation for you too (I know it’s possible) I’m launching my signature course: Holistically Healing MS in a few weeks.

This is the course you need to get started on this path for yourself.

Only the waitlist is gonna get the pre sale price…
Comment WAITLIST below and I’ll add you to it!!
...

49 9

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